Saturday, April 28, 2012


Anything, anyone you can not specifically name is random.

Like, 'some random aunty came to our house yesterday, talked about random things to my Mom, ate a random sandwich I made and went away randomly'. Never mind. I'm eighteen and everyone in the household feels it's their duty to remind me of my age seven-hundred-thousand-times-a-day; no kidding.  And when I step out into the real world, I'm still a kid. And it's not even funny; it's frustrating.

And my sandwich tastes like shit. I need more mayo.

Pakistani funerals are more funny than the weddings. I went to one last week. Everybody was talking about THE biryani. When I asked 'when did biryani die?' , I got a kick from my sister, someplace  I can't name.  After the biryani, they handed over me a microphone, of all people, for the Arabic prayer. Jesus Christ.

*Shakes Head*

FYI, it was my 'maasi's husband's funeral. Poor man, six years of married life, eight kids and they still ask 'Kiya bemaari thi marhoom ko?' (what did he die of?).

Six Children are less according to Bengali standards. 12 are OK, 18 are Good, 24 are AWESOME.

Pakistan is awesome, right? Cool people, cool cities, cool names. Talking of names, we have a city called  'La-whore'. So 'frenchly' tempting.

I should shut up.

No shouldn't. I'm so proud to be a Pakistani these days. My PM is a convict and I love it. His son imported tons of poor man's cocaine. What else a man could ask for? JIYE BHUTTO.

OH MY BAD. This is certainly not bhutto. Sorry Bahi. I do not intend to lift the veil. 

And I found something better than 69. "90" the S**-position of eunuchs. Doesn't make sense? It isn't supposed to make any, so calm down.

Why don't I STFU?

There so many many things I have to, so many I want to do. I want to write a book, learn Spanish, and Punjabi too. Get fat, dance and get drunk. Make my parents proud. Yes, the latter is the most important thing. Everybody should love their parents even if they look like Altaf Hussian.

PS:- A shout out to all those who wished me HBD. Love you all. Next post soon, about my non-existent love life. 


Daniyal Asif said...

hahaha, kasam se Pakistani Funerals are more fun than Pakistani Marriages.(just saying)

Pakistan has a city called Crunchy.

quartertoinsane said...

6 years 8 kids... either ur maths is bad or something was seriously wrong there...

Nur R. said...

lololololololololol ^^

Anosha said...

Lol Good one, esp the bhutto cum altaf pic and bengali standards;) keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Well written :)......... you writing have a fluency of thoughts. Keep it up

Anonymous said...

Well written :)......... you writing have a fluency of thoughts. Keep it up

Ali said...

howcome you write such dramatic posts.....MASHALLAH..!keep it up!:)

PurpleMist. said...

lol, love the sarcasm in this post :P

Gosh, now everytime I hear 'lahore' i'll think of it as 'la whore', thanks for that :P

I've only been one funeral in pak, it was of someone I was close to, so I didn't find it funny :P
But surely they can't be funnier than pakistani weddings?

Looking forward to the next post :)

Rida said...

Oh, I love this post. You had better expand on the funniness of Paki weddings sometime, because I've never been to one.

Also, six years and EIGHT kids? Explain please? :P

The Babe Of Bengal said...



BT said...

Can't wait for your next post haha.

Somebody sounds a little bitter. But that funeral situation was hilarious. I'm awed that you didn't start cracking up during the prayer. Thank God I'm not a guy.

Zeebs said...

Non-existent love life?

That's the best kind there is! Show a little more enthusiasm towards it.

(eats her own non-existent love life)

Weddings and funerals. The snarkiest kinds, I tell you.

Neshmia said...

Haha this post made me lmao. :p

Lubaina E. said...

I know this is an old post but your blog caught me at first sight :p

I love the randomness filled with sarcasm in your posts :D

Nihareekaa said...

Randomness rules. And dude, you rock at it.
Kudos. :D